After a long unexplainable absence, it is rather odd to think about what drove me back into the reassuring familiarity of a blank page and a blinking cursor. Stranger than that however, is that the force that brought me on here is the very thing I do not wish to discuss. Suffice it to say that over the past six months I have found that it is actually possible to make me feel bad about myself, and that I am more emotionally demanding than I ever thought I would or could be. On to funner things...or rather things that are not so personal.

 

I recently saw a commercial for a new show starting in the UK with Paris Hilton. The voice-over sounded super-psyched that she was in the UK and said something like "we're sorry US but you can't have her back!" I couldn't help thinking that the Americans were probably saying "Keep her!" This made me chuckle a little (yes, I do often chuckle at my not-so-funny jokes. It's how I keep myself enteratined) before realizing that I hate modern technology for making the option of flight possible to annoying people like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Imagine how much less pain would be inflicted on the world if each country got to keep their annoying fame-seekers to themselves. I guess it'd be like most British celebrities. It's quite funny watching British people go on about their celebrities and you have to sit there with a smile on your face and project their excitement so that you give off the impression of being a good listener, while having no idea who they are talking about.

 

But seriously, I think we need to fine tune our criteria for who gets to be a celebrity. With the recession going on right now, the amount of money we can afford to give to famous people for being famous has diminished. So we need to be more selective as to who gets the title and for what. Take for instance Latoya Jackson. Why is she famous? I ask this because she's on Celebrity Big Brother (Big Brother's a whole different issue for another time.) So as to be as accurate as possible with my judgment of this Jackson I am googling her now. One site labels her as a singer/songwriter, actress, and a writer among other things. But why can't I name a single one of her songs? Nor one of her acting parts, or books. Oh wait...does getting someone to write your autobiography for you make you a writer?

 

The longwinded point is that we should set up a committee with specific criteria as to who can become a celebrity. No more Vengaboys making an appearance for a year and then disappearing after brainwashing people into buying their talentless, cheesy albums. Horrible music has infilltrated our history and we can't pretend it never happened. Why? Because the Vengabus is coming and every one is jumping. Yikes! Why the Vengaboys (fondly known to a certain Indian radio DJ in Oman as the Wengaboys) you wonder? Someone who will remain nameless has one of their videos on their D drive. I watched it hoping that I could find one redeeming quality. I didn't. What killed me though was the Vengaboys were making fun of the Village People! That's the square calling the square, square. Did you see what I did there? Did you? Come on...humor me and laugh...even if it is a pity laugh. It's the wittiest I'll ever be. Please do not allow me to sign off shunned.

 

Wishing you all pretty purple dots with green smiley faces drawn on them.